Dumpster Diving in a Pandemic

I would’ve been all moved in by then. Come!

She assured me it was a good time to visit. Sure, Dee had just moved (back) to the south coast, and it was merely a few weeks since the move. But good a time as any to visit.

Truth be told. Ha! What a stupid expression. Nevertheless, truth be told, the drive to Austinmer is bloody lovely, and considering I’m squatting in the Southern Highlands at the moment, it’s quite the middle ground to meet. So I’m at Dee’s place. It’s nice. Nice like spacious and coastal and adult. Dee gives me the tour of the homestead, I acknowledge; tip my social hat, and we agree we should explore her surroundings. We walk into town. This is an expression I have inherited from living in rural Australia. Basically, any place with a distance of 10kms, and holds more than one shop is “in town”. So we decided to head in town. It’s about a 15 min walk down a steep hill. It’s food eating time, so we head to the Thai restaurant, in town. Thankfully Sydney Covid law hasn’t hit, and its relatively easy to just walk in and get placed at a table.

Is this table alright?

The waiter gestures to the middle table in the large room.

Yes, this is lovely.

I think we both said. Let’s just say that we did. We ordered, side note; the food was fabulous, do go there seek it out, you won’t be disappointed.

Yes, it’s BYO.

He assured. With the bottle of red firmly placed in the centre of the table, his announcement was just a formality, the cap was off and glasses were-a-flowing. I think to myself, now is as good a time as any and in a flash I move my thumb to my mouth and wiggle my thumbnail at the base of my bottom teeth. I flip out my mouthpiece, it pops out and just as quick as that, its in my palm, out of my mouth, and i’m placing it in a napkin.

I can’t eat with it in.

I explain. I fold the napkin in half and tuck it under my plate. Dee watches me, and quietly assesses the situation.

Why don’t you put it in my bag?

No! No, its fine here!

I snort. I am an adult after all, and we are just out to dinner. Somehow I took her kindness as patronising, and just dismissed it. And with that snort and dismissal, we moved on and received our meals. We ate and drank and snorted and cackled the night away.

Despite the wine and beers and food that had been consumed throughout the day, it was at the end of the evening, both Dee and I thought best to activate living a healthier life. We both (at least this is how I recall it), insisted on walking home. The fact that home was up the hill, was even better! It will counteract all the gluttony we’d just endured.

At best, its a good, fifteen minutes up the hill. At drunk, its a good thirty. Nevertheless, we journeyed back, keen for a final nightcap to continue the fine art of rubbish talking. I like to think it was upon arrival I realised that I had left my plate at the restaurant, but I am sure it is most likely took a great deal of time, that I noticed my dental piece was AWOL.

QUICK! What’s the number?!

Google don’t fail me now! I tap a garbled search into my phone and somehow find the restaurant number, and ring. One of the wait staff answers, and I try my best to explain what’s missing and the importance of it.

It’s a mouthpiece, like a mouthguard but it shapes my teeth and it’s expensive, AND I’m almost finish the treatment!

It sounded like a prank.

Please! I realise, but we were just there. Can we come back and just check?

Reluctantly she agrees for us to come back to the restaurant, despite the fact they were closed and everything had been thrown away.

Just come straight to the alleyway!

With that, an Uber was called, no time for active lifestyles and walking down hills. We zip back down the street, direct to the alleyway. Just as we exit the car and enter the dimly lit garbage compound, we both realised just how stupid this was. We are in an alleyway about to rummage through garbage in the middle of a pandemic. Oh well, we were here, and with that the acknowledgement was dismissed. I must give credit to Dee, as she came along, all the while laughing but offering positive support

It’ll turn up…

But realistically knowing that it was futile, but the sooner we rummaged meant the sooner we were back at home. Also she had been through so many late night last minute frantic searches for a wallet, a phone, a set of keys. She knew I just had to at least try to find the stupid thing. The wait staff appeared out the back of the restaurant.

Thank you so much!

There were three large wheelie bins at the back of the alley.

Do you have gloves by any chance? Thank you so much for this!

I tried to sound like a sane person.

No problem, yes hang on a second.

They just wanted to get home. I get it, but we were already there. I gloved up. The male waiter gestured for the female waiter to get one of the large cardboard boxes from the recycle unit. She did so and laid it out, in front of one of the big wheelie bins. He flipped open the lid of the bin, which revealed the trash of the night. It was brimming in black bags filled with food. He scrutinises a few bags and chooses one and says that this one was from tonight. He yanks it from the bin, ripping it open and laying out the contents on the cardboard. And with that, we rummaged. Chicken bones, lettuce leaves and mounds of rice went from one hand to the other. I squeezed napkins.

It just looks like a mouthguard.

I tried to explain. He gestured to get another bag. Contents added to the pile. Bean sprouts, red, green and orange soups squishing through my gloves. Should I just give up?

Is that it?

He calls out. An inch from my right knee on the cardboard. If ever there was a divine moment, this was it. Was Dee shining the torch on the very spot? I’m not sure, but there it was.

Yes! Oh bloody yes!

I almost felt the instinct as I picked it up, to place it back into my mouth. But I (thankfully) kept it in my hand, which lead it to my pocket.

Thank you so much!

It was sincere and a joyous moment. Perhaps it was just a means to wrapping up a shift, but it felt like a real moment shared. We all flung our gloves off, washed our hands, and Dee and I swiftly exited the alleyway. As we called another Uber and I wondered what would be the best way to sterilise a mouthpiece. Dee offered alcohol and mouthwash, which after some thought, felt would suffice.

I think that after the excitement of the dive, we were both were ready to retire. Which meant a cup of tea. What a good way to finish the evening.

Thank you for that!

I offered to Dee. Boy that was out of the ordinary. We both laughed at the stupidity of the evening. I went to the kitchen and flicked on the jug, and as I flicked the switch, a thought popped into my head; this would be the best way to sterilise it! Just pop it in some hot water! Kills everything. Side note, science is not my strong suit and we had been consuming quite the volume of alcohol.

With the jug boiled, I poured a mug and as I tipped the mould into the water, it morphed and bent out of shape. It shrivelled up and instantly I knew what I had done was stupid.

Nooooooooooooooooo!

I flung it into my mouth hoping my teeth could mould it back to shape, but it was no good.

Umm…You’ll never guess what I’ve done…

I called out to Dee.